Who wears a wallet chain?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
