the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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