You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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