my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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