PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
