do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
