saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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