And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
