woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize