I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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