I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
