Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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