Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
