I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
