We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
