Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
