I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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