Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
