I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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