I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize