I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So many bounce houses so little time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
