im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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