I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
