one might say we're banned from that church
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
