you traded sex for a burrito?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
