Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
