Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
