drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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