I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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