I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
