I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
