I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
