She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
