my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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