Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
