I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
