i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
