You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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