I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
