Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
