You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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