What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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