Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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