Ambien. No doubt about it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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