My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
