Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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