tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure