The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
