Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated