I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Say something about gay babies.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?