i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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