If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.