They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.