her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived