She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups