and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?