Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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