Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
