I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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