Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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