i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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