OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
