vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
