Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
