we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
