do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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