Whod you bang
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
