Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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