I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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