Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Two words: blizzard sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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