and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
