The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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