Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
