Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize