Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
