So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
