that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
