OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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